Caregivers Need Care Too
A diagnosis cancer can completely shock the person diagnosed. They are thrown into this world of doctors appointments, treatments and lots of questions. The person who has been diagnosed is not the only one affected. All who care for this individual especially the primary caregiver find themselves wondering “How can I help?” and “What support can I provide”?
Providing support to your loved one is the main priority, however in order to provide the best help possible, the caregivers and supporters need guidance themselves. Unfortunately not enough is talked about when it comes to caregiver support.
I wanted to share some tips that I think are important for the primary caregiver as well as the support team around the caregiver. Based on my journey and experiences, we could all use some tips.
CAREGIVERS:
Delegate tasks
No one can “do it all” in regards to caregiving. If you are a patient’s primary caregiver, be sure to call upon others who are available for assistance that they can offer.
It’s really hard to ask for help, but I wish that we asked for more help with things such as with meals, rides, errands, or household help. Ask friends and family when they are free and what they are able to do that can be helpful.
Take care of yourself, too
Being a caretaker can be emotionally as well as physically demanding. Make sure you are paying attention to your needs so you can better help your loved one. Your feelings are just as valid as the one you are caring for. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it - family, friends, or support organizations. One organization that is meant to support the patient and caregiver is Immerman Angels. (See Caregiver Support for more information). Reaching out can get the ball rolling to get you the support you need.
Be proactive
Come prepared with questions to ask and take notes at appointments. Knowing what’s going on with the patient’s treatment and game plan will help you be the best caregiver you can be. Just as I asked the support team, try to think what you would appreciate if you were sick. These kinds of preparations can help things go smoothly and can bring a greater sense of calm and control to the patient and everyone involved.
Communicate with your loved one and their medical team
Communicate with your loved one about what’s going on. Many times the cancer survivor doesn’t want to talk about it, but letting them know you are there for them by helping with additional tasks at home or simply that it is ok to rely on them will go a long way. Communicate with the medical team so you can learn more about the diagnosis and treatment plan. DON’T GOOGLE- Just as I would say to the cancer patient, caregiver’s shouldn’t go down this black hole either.
SUPPORT TEAM:
Ask the caregiver how you can help
Many times the support team doesn’t want to bother the patient or caregiver and assume they are doing ok. It’s important that the support team doesn’t assume anything because the caregiver may seem like they have it all under control, but many times they could use a break and don’t always ask for help because they are focused on their main priority, the patient.
Take care of the caregiver
Many times the caregiver may seem like they have it all under control and as much as you don’t know how to help, think about what you would appreciate if you were someone’s caregiver.
Give them a break from cleaning the house, making meals, grocery shopping, etc.
Take them out. The caregiver deserves to be asked how they are doing and again take a break from being a “caregiver.”
Be Proactive
Don’t assume that the caregiver has it all under control. They are still managing their career and trying to take care of themselves (or they should be) while helping to care for their loved one. Take steps to ask how they are doing and how the loved one they are supporting is doing. I know that many can only give as much as they can, but asking “how are you” in my opinion is very easy to do.
Communicate with the caregiver
Don’t assume that your friend’s needs will be the same as the loved one. It’s hard to ask, but at the end of the day no one likes to talk about this disease so let’s all try to “talk about it” in a way that can be both constructive and supportive.