It’s Up to Me Now: Embracing the Journey of Healing and Growth

It’s up to me to continue living the life I’ve worked so hard to build over the last ten years. It’s up to me to make time for the things that nurture me—walks, acupuncture, dance, quality time with friends, sleep, stand-up paddleboarding, playing music. It’s up to me to honor my boundaries, to say “no” when necessary, and to prioritize what truly makes me happy.

It’s up to me to stop letting the little things overwhelm me. To recognize my triggers and ask for help when I need it. To stay connected with my body, checking my breasts, listening to my emotions, and paying attention to new sensations. It’s up to me to nurture relationships with those who value and support me, and to distance myself from those who drain or disrespect me. It’s up to me to communicate clearly and put myself first.

For the first time in years, I no longer have the protective shield of medication guarding me. For seven years, I took a selective estrogen receptor modulator (SERM) each night—used to treat and prevent hormone receptor-positive (HR+) breast cancer. It mimicked menopause and came with a laundry list of side effects: hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, fatigue, mood swings, hair thinning, and no period since my first round of chemotherapy eleven years ago. The risks were more serious: blood clots, stroke, uterine concerns.

After opting for a risk-reducing hysterectomy and removing my ovaries, I switched to an aromatase inhibitor (AI)—not the type of AI that’s been making headlines lately, but one designed to block estrogen production and reduce cancer recurrence. The side effects persisted, but now, bone and joint pain joined the list, along with bone loss.

One week off the medication, and I’m still feeling the effects—achy, moody, and battling moments of anxiety that peek out when I least expect it. I pushed through this before, and though depression knocked at my door last year, I managed to keep it at bay—perhaps by sheer will, or maybe by simply surviving another long Midwest winter.

I’ll never truly know what it feels like to have a “normal” body in my thirties. For me, that decade was dominated by every emotion, pain, and change imaginable. But as I close the chapter on that period, I’m ready to slow down. I’m ready to stop overbooking myself just to silence the noise. I’m ready to live without the constant self-doubt and negativity that used to creep into my thoughts.

I’ve learned that it’s up to me to prioritize myself—to stop comparing my journey to others’, to find more joy, and to trust my thoughts without second-guessing every one of them. I’ll appreciate the few who care, respect, and show up for me, and I’ll let go of the hope that I’ll be everyone’s cup of tea. Not everyone will be my type of person, even though I happen to think I’m pretty amazing.

The Power of Self-Care and Boundaries

It’s up to me to continue growing the lifestyle I’ve been building—a lifestyle rooted in healthy communication, strong boundaries, and real self-care. Over the years, I’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge through activities, classes, programs, and personal training. But learning is one thing; implementing and sharing that knowledge is where the magic happens.

I’ve learned what should be on my plate, but I also know the importance of meal planning and keeping my kitchen stocked with nourishing food. I became a certified community herbalist, and now I create teas, balms, and use those practices every day to benefit myself and my family.

I know my body more intimately than I ever have before. Listening to it, recognizing the changes, and honoring what it needs is my responsibility now.

A Call to Slow Down

As humans, we are often told that we must be everything, do everything, and bear it all. But I believe now is the perfect time to slow down. My doctor reminded me that I’ve done everything I can in terms of treatment. My risk is not zero, but it’s significantly lower than it was before. The treatment I underwent, along with the medication I took, helped reduce that risk. And just because I’ve stopped the medication doesn’t mean that risk will return to where it once was.

I’m proud of where I am today: the advocacy I’ve done, the stories I’ve shared, the lessons I’ve learned. I’m not perfect, but I’m not broken. I’m not loud, but I’m well-spoken. I’m not who I was ten years ago, but I’m healthier, wiser, braver.

Now, with two beautiful, growing children, it’s my turn to teach them the lessons I’ve learned through my own healing journey.

The Importance of Prevention and Awareness

Childhood cancer rates are on the rise, and while we can’t control everything, there are things within our power that can make a difference. The food our children eat can support their gut health and reduce toxin exposure. The water they drink can minimize fluoride and microplastic contamination. Their daily routines—how they manage stress and care for their nervous systems—can help their overall well-being. The devices around them matter, as does the personal care and cleaning products they use, because our hormones are precious and must be protected. Even as adults it’s important to know our bodies and recognize when something doesn’t feel right. We are our best advocates!

This is the work we can do. This is the responsibility we carry. This is the gift we give to our future.

“Forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach.”